Birth story!!!! (It's super long... get cozy!)

With a now empty apartment I was able to get lots of sleep. Wednesday night I

went to bed at 9pm and didn't wake until 7:30.  It was lovely...and perhaps just

what I needed!

Early labor started 8am. The surges started coming every 8 minutes.  I stayed in

bed until 9am and then let L know what was going on and that I was going to

shower and see if they slowed down like last time.  They didn't!

I killed time around the apartment working on a puzzle and watching TV.  Debbie

and Adam got there about noon.  By then the surges were still there, about 4-5

min apart.  They were still very mild, just the sensation of tightening and some

pressure along the top of my uterus.  We walked through the Embarcadero Center

and the Ferry Building.  In one store a lady said something about my belly and

asked when I was due. I responded with "oh, any moment now.  My contractions 

are about 4 minutes apart".  Her eyes flew open! It was hilarious!

We got lunch and came back to the apartment.  Deb and I somehow got sucked 

into a Jersey Shore marathon... Neither of us had ever seen it before but we 

couldn't look away. It was like a train wreck!

Around 4pm I texted the midwife to give her a heads up.  She decided to come

into the city and head to the hospital just in case.

I let Scott know that the surges were now 3 min apart and I was sure it was the

real thing this time.  But it didn't make since for Scott to uproot the kids and

come back. I knew I had plenty of support with L, the midwife, and my doula.

I was still very much in the "early labor" stage, which lasted almost 2 days

with Inara, and Deb had to get back home with the babe.  So she left about 6pm

or so. 

After she left I took a short nap because I figured it could be a long night!

At 8:30 Debbie called and offered to come back so I wouldn't be alone.  I didn't

realize until then how much that would mean to me. I quickly accepted her offer

and started crying.

Around 10pm everyone started checking in with me.  The doula decided to try to

sleep a bit and then would meet us at the hospital when it was time.  The

midwife was going to sleep at the hospital.  Even the peri called. He really

wanted to be there for us and see a happy ending - something fairly rare in the

patients he sees.

Debbie got back at 10:30 and about  an hour later we figured it would be better

to be at the hospital early than too late! The surges were still easy but had

gone from "mild" to "moderate".

I texted L, the peri, the midwife, and the doula.  Everyone jumped into action. 

It was a great and joyful atmosphere when we got to UCSF.  A separate L&D room

had been saved for T & L so he could hide out there instead of the waiting room. 

I went first into a triage room to be accessed.  I was 2cm and still in early

labor.  We all decided that with my history of a fast active labor it would be

best to go ahead and admit me.

They showed me to my L&D room which was like a high-roller suite. It was giant! 

And it was a corner room with huge windows facing north to the Golden Gate

Bridge, and east across the city.  I couldn't wait until morning so I could

really see the view.

At first there was a lot going on in the room but the midwife and L did a great

job of directing people to our birth plan before bugging me.  Soon everyone was

out and it was just Deb, Desiree (the doula), L, and me.

Around 1am or so the surges picked up in intensity and made the switch to

"active".  I was able to focus on my HypnoBirthing techniques. I'd be alert,

talking, and moving then when I could feel a surge coming on I'd freeze, go

limp, and just breathe through it.  I tried lots of positions: on my side on the

bed, sitting up on the bed, standing up, and sitting on the ball.  When the

surges would come on I would feel cramping pain in my hips and upper thighs.  That sensation was worse than the contractions itself. I was ready for the tub!

I loved being in there. It was very relaxing.  The lights were out and I put on

the HypnoBirthing relaxation audio clip.  But the surges were intense. I was

starting to hit my wall. I never asked for meds or even uttered the words out

loud. But I was close. Desiree and Debbie were great at keeping me motivated 

and reminding me that if I was hitting my wall that meant I was almost done.

When I was laboring in the tub with Inara things changed drastically when I

moved into a squatting position.  So I figured I'd try that again.  Yep!  Right

away I felt that "poopy" pressure.

They got me out of the tub and the next surge hit me as I stood next to the bed.

I was terrified that he'd just come flying out and I knew I had to get up on the

bed.  I got up there on my knees, with the head of the bed raised and my body

draped over it.  The involuntary pushing came with every back to back surge. 

Everything is pretty fuzzy, but that's about when the midwife and nurse examined

me. He was right there and the bag of waters was still intact. But they could

see that there was mecconium in the fluid (he pooped).  So then lights come up and pediatricians 

and nurses come flying in. I could see L's face in the window reflection. She 

looked terrified.

They broke the water just before his head delivered. I watched in the reflection

as a geyser of fluid shot across the room! Then his head came and I completely

lost it!  No more relaxed HypnoBirthing for me... I was now the stereotypical

Hollywood movie version of a woman in labor....screaming at the top of my lungs! 

I think my words were "oh my god!  What are they doing to me?!" and then his

shoulders.... and I hollered "oh my god they're killing me!!!".  LOL!  Yeah, I

completely lost it!

After he was out all I could focus on was the INTENSE stabbing pain in my spine.

I was terrified that my back was spine was broken.  I've never felt anything

like it. 

My timeline is all fuzzy here but I remember catching glimpses of pure joy and

terror on L's face.  We were all reassured that Joseph was just fine.  Then

Joseph was taken to T & L's room.   The midwife was working on me to repair a

small tear and deliver the placenta.  When it came out they noted that it was

very large and I had lost a lot of blood. 

L came back to see me and I gave her a gift. My grandmother knit a beautiful

blue and white blanket for Joseph.   It got everyone teary-eyed.  We had a great

moment with our team: L, the peri, the midwife, the doula, Debbie, and me.  I'm

pretty sure everyone was crying.  Debbie took a group photo that I will always

treasure. (I wish I could share it, but I'm not allowed.)

After everyone left it was just Debbie, the doula, a nurse, and me.  When I got

up to use the restroom I lost a bunch more blood.  I didn't remember loosing

that much with my kids. And I felt wobbly and weak.  I mentioned something to my

nurse and she brought in the new midwife (mine had already left).  She

determined that I had a blood clot in my uterus. Unfortunately she couldn't mush

it out. Here's where things get gross... So the next step was to manually try to

remove the clot (the 'ole scoop and scrape). If that didn't work I'd have to

have surgery!

So they started an IV and gave me fentinol, a narcotic, to make me a little

loopy and take the edge off.  It felt about how you'd imagine.... Luckily it

worked and she removed the plum sized clot.  Then they gave me fluids and

pitosin to encourage my uterus to continue to contract. Then more fentinol to

ease the pain caused by the pitosin.  That pitosin is nasty stuff... I know some

women can be induced by pitosin and are able to continue on without pain relief

meds, but I don't know how they do it!

The plan had been to go back to the apartment that same afternoon, but since I

had lost so much blood, and because I'd be at the apartment alone until Scott

returned on Saturday, it was clear that it would be safer for me to spend a

night at UCSF.

Debbie stayed with me until I was moved into my new room. T & L& Joseph came 

to visit me and I got to see the new family for the first time.  It was beautiful. 

After that I was left to rest.

I left the hospital at 11am Saturday morning. I've been pumping colostrum for

Joseph and getting a really good amount!  We're all leaving the city Sunday

morning and I can't wait to be home!!!

So the next obvious question that I’m sure I’ll be asked numerous times is “how am I doing emotionally?”  The answer is “so far so good!”  Really, I feel exactly as I thought I would: thrilled to have been a part of something so amazing, a little sad for the experience to be over, and not at all attached to baby Joseph.  Seeing them in the hospital was exactly like visiting some friends and their new baby.  It was beautiful to see.  I cooed over the baby, but had zero desire to hold, snuggle, or bond with him.  On Saturday morning L and I basically said our goodbyes and I had my first (and so far only) good cry.  But it still wasn’t a cry of pain or longing.  It was just a cry brought about by the end of a really good story, of an amazing experience that has changed the lives of their family and ours forever.