With a now empty apartment I was able to get lots of
sleep. Wednesday night I
went to bed at 9pm and didn't wake until 7:30. It was lovely...and perhaps just
what I needed!
Early labor started 8am. The surges started coming every
8 minutes. I stayed in
bed until 9am and then let L know what was going on and
that I was going to
shower and see if they slowed down like last time. They didn't!
I killed time around the apartment working on a puzzle
and watching TV. Debbie
and Adam got there about noon. By then the surges were still there, about
4-5
min apart. They
were still very mild, just the sensation of tightening and some
pressure along the top of my uterus. We walked through the Embarcadero Center
and the Ferry Building.
In one store a lady said something about my belly and
asked when I was due. I responded with "oh, any
moment now. My contractions
are about 4 minutes apart". Her eyes flew open! It was hilarious!
We got lunch and came back to the apartment. Deb and I somehow got sucked
into a Jersey Shore marathon... Neither of us had ever seen it
before but we
couldn't look away. It was like a train wreck!
Around 4pm I texted the midwife to give her a heads
up. She decided to come
into the city and head to the hospital just in case.
I let Scott know that the surges were now 3 min apart and
I was sure it was the
real thing this time.
But it didn't make since for Scott to uproot the kids and
come back. I knew I had plenty of support with L, the
midwife, and my doula.
I was still very much in the "early labor"
stage, which lasted almost 2 days
with Inara, and Deb had to get back home with the
babe. So she left about 6pm
or so.
After she left I took a short nap because I figured it could be a long night!
At 8:30 Debbie called and offered to come back so I
wouldn't be alone. I didn't
realize until then how much that would mean to me. I
quickly accepted her offer
and started crying.
Around 10pm everyone started checking in with me. The doula decided to try to
sleep a bit and then would meet us at the hospital when
it was time. The
midwife was going to sleep at the hospital. Even the peri called. He really
wanted to be there for us and see a happy ending -
something fairly rare in the
patients he sees.
Debbie got back at 10:30 and about an hour later we figured it would be better
to be at the hospital early than too late! The surges
were still easy but had
gone from "mild" to "moderate".
I texted L, the peri, the midwife, and the doula. Everyone jumped into action.
It was a great and joyful atmosphere when we got to
UCSF. A separate L&D room
had been saved for T & L so he could hide out there
instead of the waiting room.
I went first into a triage room to be accessed. I was 2cm and still in early
labor. We all
decided that with my history of a fast active labor it would be
best to go ahead and admit me.
They showed me to my L&D room which was like a
high-roller suite. It was giant!
And it was a corner room with huge windows facing north
to the Golden Gate
Bridge, and east across the city. I couldn't wait until morning so I could
really see the view.
At first there was a lot going on in the room but the
midwife and L did a great
job of directing people to our birth plan before bugging
me. Soon everyone was
out and it was just Deb, Desiree (the doula), L, and me.
Around 1am or so the surges picked up in intensity and
made the switch to
"active".
I was able to focus on my HypnoBirthing techniques. I'd be alert,
talking, and moving then when I could feel a surge coming
on I'd freeze, go
limp, and just breathe through it. I tried lots of positions: on my side on the
bed, sitting up on the bed, standing up, and sitting on
the ball. When the
surges would come on I would feel cramping pain in my
hips and upper thighs. That sensation was worse than the contractions itself. I was ready for the tub!
I loved being in there. It was very relaxing. The lights were out and I put on
the HypnoBirthing relaxation audio clip. But the surges were intense. I was
starting to hit my wall. I never asked for meds or even
uttered the words out
loud. But I was close. Desiree and Debbie were great at
keeping me motivated
and reminding me that if I was hitting my wall that meant I
was almost done.
When I was laboring in the tub with Inara things changed
drastically when I
moved into a squatting position. So I figured I'd try that again. Yep!
Right
away I felt that "poopy" pressure.
They got me out of the tub and the next surge hit me as I
stood next to the bed.
I was terrified that he'd just come flying out and I knew
I had to get up on the
bed. I got up
there on my knees, with the head of the bed raised and my body
draped over it.
The involuntary pushing came with every back to back surge.
Everything is pretty fuzzy, but that's about when the
midwife and nurse examined
me. He was right there and the bag of waters was still
intact. But they could
see that there was mecconium in the fluid (he pooped). So then lights come up and pediatricians
and nurses come flying in. I could see L's face in the window
reflection. She
looked terrified.
They broke the water just before his head delivered. I
watched in the reflection
as a geyser of fluid shot across the room! Then his head
came and I completely
lost it! No more
relaxed HypnoBirthing for me... I was now the stereotypical
Hollywood movie version of a woman in labor....screaming
at the top of my lungs!
I think my words were "oh my god! What are they doing to me?!" and then
his
shoulders.... and I hollered "oh my god they're
killing me!!!". LOL! Yeah, I
completely lost it!
After he was out all I could focus on was the INTENSE
stabbing pain in my spine.
I was terrified that my back was spine was broken. I've never felt anything
like it.
My timeline is all fuzzy here but I remember catching
glimpses of pure joy and
terror on L's face.
We were all reassured that Joseph was just fine. Then
Joseph was taken to T & L's room. The midwife was working on me to repair a
small tear and deliver the placenta. When it came out they noted that it was
very large and I had lost a lot of blood.
L came back to see me and I gave her a gift. My
grandmother knit a beautiful
blue and white blanket for Joseph. It got everyone teary-eyed. We had a great
moment with our team: L, the peri, the midwife, the
doula, Debbie, and me. I'm
pretty sure everyone was crying. Debbie took a group photo that I will always
treasure. (I wish I could share it, but I'm not allowed.)
After everyone left it was just Debbie, the doula, a
nurse, and me. When I got
up to use the restroom I lost a bunch more blood. I didn't remember loosing
that much with my kids. And I felt wobbly and weak. I mentioned something to my
nurse and she brought in the new midwife (mine had
already left). She
determined that I had a blood clot in my uterus.
Unfortunately she couldn't mush
it out. Here's where things get gross... So the next step
was to manually try to
remove the clot (the 'ole scoop and scrape). If that
didn't work I'd have to
have surgery!
So they started an IV and gave me fentinol, a narcotic,
to make me a little
loopy and take the edge off. It felt about how you'd imagine.... Luckily
it
worked and she removed the plum sized clot. Then they gave me fluids and
pitosin to encourage my uterus to continue to contract.
Then more fentinol to
ease the pain caused by the pitosin. That pitosin is nasty stuff... I know some
women can be induced by pitosin and are able to continue
on without pain relief
meds, but I don't know how they do it!
The plan had been to go back to the apartment that same
afternoon, but since I
had lost so much blood, and because I'd be at the
apartment alone until Scott
returned on Saturday, it was clear that it would be safer
for me to spend a
night at UCSF.
Debbie stayed with me until I was moved into my new room.
T & L& Joseph came
to visit me and I got to see the new family for the first
time. It was beautiful.
After that I was left to rest.
I left the hospital at 11am Saturday morning. I've been
pumping colostrum for
Joseph and getting a really good amount! We're all leaving the city Sunday
morning and I can't wait to be home!!!
So the next obvious question that I’m sure I’ll be asked
numerous times is “how am I doing emotionally?”
The answer is “so far so good!”
Really, I feel exactly as I thought I would: thrilled to have been a
part of something so amazing, a little sad for the experience to be over, and
not at all attached to baby Joseph.
Seeing them in the hospital was exactly like visiting some friends and their
new baby. It was beautiful to see. I cooed over the baby, but had zero desire to
hold, snuggle, or bond with him. On
Saturday morning L and I basically said our goodbyes and I had my first (and so
far only) good cry. But it still wasn’t
a cry of pain or longing. It was just a
cry brought about by the end of a really good story, of an amazing experience
that has changed the lives of their family and ours forever.
