39.5 weeks

Sigh.... I really think I've had a great attitude and have kept on the positive side of things during this whole experience. But I feel like I'm slipping. I've had prodromal (practice) labor just about every day. Surges last for a few hours and then fade away. I hate getting T & L's hopes up and then having to let them know it's not the real thing. Scott and the kids have been growing very weary of being in this apartment and this city. I know that things will get going when the baby decides he's ready, but I can't help to feel like I'm responsible for all of this.

And on top of this pressure, the newspaper that I work for was suddenly sold to another company. It was announced just a couple days before my early departure to SF. I thought I'd be back before the sale was final. But things have accelerated and all the accounting needs to be done by the end of this week. It's so incredibly frustrating to be sitting here when there is so much to do! I'm the only accounting person for our business unit so I'm going to have to help others from another paper figure out how to do my job. I don't remember ever feeling so useless... I really thought the timing of my leave was going to work out okay so that if I decided to be a surrogate again it wouldn't seem like a big deal to my employers. But this has become such a mess! Granted, this is a bizarre situation that couldn't be foreseen and I'm sure wouldn't happen again... But still. It's going to leave an impression with my boss that will be hard to get past.

Okay - I'm done venting!

Let's see, we took the kids on a huge walk on Sunday. They weren't very happy with us by the end! And shuffling along at their pace wasnt going to do much. So on Monday L sent her nanny over to stay with the kids while Scott and I went for a walk at a normal adult pace. It was really nice...but didn't start labor. Tuesday my feet were totally swollen and sore so I didn't do much walking. I met a friend who works nearby and had Thai food for the first time! It was good and spicy...but didn't start labor.

This morning I woke up to surges that were 8-10 minutes apart. This was new because my practice labor usually only happens in the evening. But by the time I left for my midwife appointment they had disappeared. First we had the non-stress test. Everything looked good. After that we met with the midwife. She wanted to check my cervix. She could tell it was softening but was still posterior so she couldn't easily check for dilation. However she suspected it was still closed.

When I got back from UCSF we went out for lunch and then Scott packed up the kids and headed home for a couple days. I'm missing them already but I know everyone needs a break. The kids will get to go burn some energy at preschool Thu & Fri and Scott can take care of some things around the house and get a break. I also wonder if I'll deliver without Scott being with me. I know I'll be okay with just L and my doula... But I hope he's here.